‘How to download Stardew Valley for free on Mac’ is a Google search that yields a surprising number of nefarious results. But as someone oblivious to both Stardew Valley and gaming etiquette as a whole, I really didn’t know any better. I first typed this into a search bar while sitting next to a fireplace on a cold Tuesday night in a Wisconsin Airbnb that my friends got when it was announced that we would be learning remotely for the first two weeks of the quarter. The internet quickly directed me to something called ‘Steam’ where I could purchase access to the game in a more legal manner.
This access was required for a class about Digital Media that I’d been interested in taking not out of a personal desire to better understand video games or digital media necessarily, but out of a personal desire to better understand my sister. This past December, my sister, a sixteen year old girl with a 4.0 GPA at an elite public school, dropped out in the middle of her junior year after being offered a contract to play something called ‘Valorant’ professionally ( https://complexity.gg/teams/gx3/). This decision shocked and disturbed me. Why would my sister, someone typically so even-keeled, do something so bold and risky? When I heard about the existence of a class cross-listed with the ENGL major that might help me find answers to this question, I added it immediately. Like a student taking a Spanish class to better communicate with relatives overseas, I wanted to understand my sister’s language.
After the download completed, I skimmed through a slow developing story about a person whose grandfather died and then quit a mind-numbing job to work on a farm near a town called ‘Pelican Town’ (even though there didn’t appear to be any pelicans). When at last the story ended, I was finally able to start knocking out some of the four hours of ‘playtime’ that I was tasked with enduring for ‘homework.’ I walked around the plain looking town, introducing myself to its bland residents as the game instructed. But then something strange happened. It started getting dark. And then it got darker. And pretty soon, I couldn’t see the screen and I received a notification that my character had ‘passed out.’
“What the fuck!” I cursed, and the other five people working in the living room looked up from their work, concerned. I faced down towards my lap, embarrassed. They asked me what had happened.
“ I think I’m just gonna drop the course,” I explained. “I have to play this video game, and I suck at video games. I tried it out and it got too late or something and my character passed out.”
“Wait!” My head swiveled to face Barrett, the friend who asked this. He was working on a PSET at the dining table.
“What game did you say you were playing?” Barrett’s head was cocked sideways and his eyes expanded.
“Um… it’s called Stardew Vall-”
“STARDEW VALLEY?!?!” Barrett’s PSET ceased to exist. It was an afterthought now. I had awakened something deep inside my friend that once let free could not be restrained again until satisfied. In one singular movement, he grabbed his computer, jumped over to the couch, and opened it up next to me. “You just gotta get the ropes down and you’ll be hooked.”
He could have opened the game blindfolded. Barrett’s fingers knew where the next sequential button would appear before the screen even loaded. The game fired up and his character moved towards the exit to his built out house. As his character walked outside, I became a five year old on their first trip to the dinosaur exhibit. I felt my jaw drop to the floor like John Travolta looking into the golden briefcase in Pulp Fiction. There were plants and animals of all shapes and sizes. Stables. Barrels of wine. Sprinkler systems. His character’s wife.
“So you can kind of do whatever you want with this game,” Barrett explained, “but here’s what I’d recommend to get started…” I learned what fiber was. What copper ore was. I learned the material difference between anchovies and sardines. I learned to stop flirting with Haley because she wasn’t really that bright and that I could do better. He told me tales from his adventures in Stardew with his friends in high school, smiling as he reminisced on old times. He messaged a group chat that had long been deserted, but immediately jumped back to life once the first text was sent.
“Why would my sister, someone, typically so even-keeled, do something so bold and risky?” I began to realize what a stupid question that was. It was unreasonable for me to want to understand my sister’s decision without having lived what she lived. Without having lived her intimate experience with Valorant like Barrett had with Stardew. Without having personally developed the relationships that she had with her teammates and friends. I didn’t understand the nuances and details of why my sister dropped out of high school. My question remains unanswered, and likely always will. But I, to a greater extent than I ever could have imagined that I could, have begun to understand her.
I’m not sure if “Stardew Valley and games like it are comprised of unique and intimate sub-communities that are impossible to understand without being a part” is the type of non-obvious insight that you all are looking for in regards to this assignment, but I’m not sure that it would have felt right to write this autoethnography about anything else.
